Freckled Exhaustion

Between contacts, computer screens, road signs, and crying, my eyes feel endlessly tired.

It has not been a good time for sleep, and normally I don’t mind it. I’ll never turn away the beautiful morning sun streaming through my windows, igniting my eclectic home. I’ll never regret waking early and parting the blinds to peek at the multitudinous hues that color the Appalachians in Middletown. I’ll forever hold in my heart the still and quiet mornings spent reading a new book, contemplating dozing off again for a few hours.

What I will not relish, are painful nights that slither into hollow mornings. I will not welcome the heavy darkness on my chest. I cherish neither the sudden, cold feeling that vibrates through my body, nor the colorless desperation, pleading, and anxiety that sinks into my sheets.

I spent most of the weekend awakened by fear. Misty was left outside, bitten, and might not make it through the week. My bed will be forever empty without her. It’s been a bad weekend.

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* * *

Something has called me to examine horoscopes more closely. I still always look at them objectively — vague terms can only paint such an exact picture. But it’s been fun to learn and interesting to explore.

I think the most unique characteristic of my sign (Taurus), is that it is ruled by Venus, the planet that symbolizes love. Love is the center of this earth sign.

I’ve only had intimate enough conversations to admit this to maybe two or three people, but I came to the conclusion that somehow, love is at my center. It is not my driving force behind menial things (though supposedly money is), but it is what I see as the most powerful entity in the universe. Which is true; everyone wants to love and be loved, and while I don’t emit love for everyone, while I get annoyed, I do still feel I should be spreading love out in the world for those who feel none. I really love to remind my friends of their worth. Sometimes people just don’t see what’s right in front of them, how beautiful of people they are. I like to be the person that gives them that unique compliment, one that actually means something.

It’s probably because of these intimate, minuscule details that I fall in love with things maybe a little out of the ordinary. I love some peoples’ scars, or laughs, or smiles. Some eyes I find breathtaking. Someone’s resiliency. Someone’s ability to love.

This detailed love extends to nature as well. There are so many mental snapshots I take that I wish I could share with everyone. There are snapshots of people I want to share with everyone too, to show them how brilliant they shine in an unimportant moment.

Just a thought.

I’ve had a few people in mind lately.

But for now my eyes are tired.

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