Coincidence: the day after I post my blog about reflection, and suddenly tonight I’m blogging in Al’s room as she and Hannah write about the pros and cons in their lives in their own journals. I didn’t know they kept journals. Han’s even going so far as to think of solutions for each of her cons. They’re trying to better their lives, and I’m proud of them.
Last night, I had to read a section of a novel by Waters Turpin called Those Low Grounds for my Literary Maryland class, and I have to say I actually enjoyed it for once. We’ve gotten to the writing for entertainment part of the class, thank god.
Anyways, it was beautifully written, and there were a few times during the reading that I actually sat back and appreciated the writing. In a class where most of the pieces are written before the Civil War, that’s kind of a rare find.
“He had known toil. He had faced years of grinding disappointment. He had met life bravely, with a purpose in mind, and he had won his reward.”
Turpin was talking about a black man who had worked hard to build his own empire of a farm, but I think many others can relate. We all go through struggles, some of us face more hardships than others. I feel privileged in my life because I know people who have endured more than I could imagine.
And that’s what we do. We endure. We push through, we persevere. When we don’t win, we adapt as a way of rolling with the punches.
I’ve always been the person to believe in fate, that if you’ve given everything you can to something and it still doesn’t work out then maybe it was not meant for you. I want to stress that it doesn’t give anyone permission to be lazy or give up. But sometimes there are signs in the universe that you need to listen to.
I went to yoga again today with Chad. No savasina visions today, and I was a little disappointed, and then he said, “It was when I stopped looking for home in others that I found home inside my own mind and body.”
Maybe that’s not the most monumental advice, and I’m sure Han would crack up at how cheesy it sounded, but I think I needed to hear that and let it sink in. I’ve always been so worried about my relationships with others, wanted to make sure that I’ve had friends everywhere I go, needed to feel wanted by others, and when that doesn’t happen I get offended. I’ll feel like my friends don’t like me or don’t appreciate me.
It’s taken me a while, but I’m starting to realize that technology has made me crazy. It’s set this precedent that because you can talk to anyone at any time thanks to cell phones, social media, and texting, that you should be talking to them at all times, and that’s just not how it goes.
I don’t talk to my family all the time, and I still love them immensely.
I will go weeks without talking to my friends, and our relationships are never damaged just because we were unavailable.
The only place this precedent still seems to loom in my mind is for romantic relationships. I’m caught between my sister saying “you deserve someone who’s going to talk to you all the time, even if you just saw him a few hours ago” and Connor saying “I don’t talk to anyone 24/7, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them.” I’m still trying to figure out that balance, but I’m confident it will come to me when I’ve met the right person (the person of my fate).
I’m glad I could blog, but it’s getting harder and harder to write (someone kept me up all night last night…), so I’ll close out.
May you find home in yourself, and may you endure fate.